I can always tell when my husband has driven my van, because I can’t reach the pedals or see out of any of the mirrors.  Before I can go anywhere, I have to make some adjustments.  Often I’m running late, like I was this morning.  I grumble under my breath at the inconvenience, as I pull the seat up and adjust the rear and side view mirrors.

I think this is a lot like marriage.  Throw two people together, both with unique personalities, different backgrounds and styles of relating, not to mention all the little idiosyncracies and quirks.  And adjustments will be required.  Continually.  Repeatedly.

Chris and I have been married for 21 years.  Please hold your applause.  Because you would think that after 21 years we’d have it figured out.  Don’t get me wrong–we do get along and enjoy each other–most of the time.  But there are still those annoying areas that keep tripping us up, where we have neglected to make some needed adjustments in order to understand and relate better to each other.

Husband and wife counseling team Milan and Kay Yerkovich, in their book How We Love, compare the marriage relationship to a dance, which each partner enters with the dance style they learned from their family of origin.  It would be unrealistic to expect a classically trained dancer and, say, a street dancer to be in step with each other, much less pull off a praiseworthy performance.

So it is in marriage.  We must take two completely different dance styles and backgrounds and blend them into one new dance.  It will take time, effort, and practice.  Toes will be stepped on.  Humble apologies, mutual compromise, and continual adjustments will be necessary.

I looked up the word “adjust” in the dictionary, and was challenged and encouraged by the very first definition I read:  “to bring to a more satisfactory state.”  As inconvenient, time consuming, and uncomfortable as these adjustments may be, the end result will be a more pleasant and satisfying relationship.

So what is all of this saying to me?

Quityerbellyachin.

Make some adjustments.

They will make for a smoother dance and a more enjoyable ride.